Listening...

I wrote this at 1am this morning... we have had days of our littlest lady waking constantly overnight anywhere from 11pm-1am and not going back to sleep.

It's not her being spoilt. It's not her not knowing how to self-settle. It's something making her feel like absolute rubbish and there seems to be very little we can do to help. It makes us feel useless. Frustrated. Even more tired than we are just from getting 5-6 hours sleep each night.

We are lucky to have the support of our families and friends, and we know that everyone is trying to do whatever they can to help us, to be involved and to understand what we are going through.

We still just want to throw our hands in the air and declare it all too hard and for it all to suddenly stop being so far from 'normal'. Whatever normal is anyway.

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Listening

by Kristan Kershaw.

Perhaps you are a parent of an allergic or intolerant child, reading this and nodding.

Perhaps you are a parent of a child you don't yet realise is allergic or intolerant, but you know something isn't 'right'.

Maybe you are even the parent of a child/ren who is perfectly healthy at present and can eat anything.

Perhaps you are a friend of someone with an allergic or intolerant child and are trying to read up and be supportive to them.

No matter who you are, you have a common need.

To listen.

Listen to your gut for the parent who is always battling medico's and others with the opinions which contradict your own.

When you hear well-meaning, sometimes even downright condescending comments like the following... smile and nod and find someone else who listens to you...

'But nothing seems to be wrong with your child'

'It's just a bit of reflux/food sensitivity/sleeplessness....they'll grow out of it soon!'.

'They are big so that means they are thriving, there can't be anything much wrong with them.'

Trust yourself when you feel you are not being heard. Trust the need for a second opinion.

To those who don't have kids currently with special food/allergy or reflux needs...

Listen to those are managing this struggle when they tell you of some wild suggestions about diets to try, foods which may be triggers or alternative treatments they may look at. Just because you haven't heard of them doesn't make them any less valid or any more 'out there' and without scientific support.

Listen when they tell you of their constant failures and occasional successes. Don't give them any reason to feel rushed or like they are complaining again. They already feel like that without anyone helping.

Understand that not all allergies and intolerances are grown out of by an arbitrary age. They may get worse before they get better.

Ask them if they have websites you could read to understand, or books, or pamphlets. Ask them what you can do to help understand what they are experiencing.

Then listen to the answers. Read the information. Support them unconditionally.

That little bit of time you just put into something that is potentially their every focus in life right now, may just make their day. Make them feel a little less isolated. Less like the odd one out.

Your friends' cousin who had a bit of reflux or couldn't eat one food... its great to relay their experience, but sometimes you just don't want to hear other's experience. You want people to seem to comprehend, just for a moment, YOUR situation. The helplessness. The isolation.




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Incidentally, I have just stumbled across a page written for Families and Friends of Reflux babies and it echos much of what I wrote quite independently this morning. Mine is written about allergies, intolerances and reflux, but I think the RISA post equally applies really.

View it here.